Weekly Thoughts 45: Depressed Week
Getting sick these days hit differently. I sneezed the other day. My throat was hurting and I instantly thought I had a cold. But my family thought it was the virus. I talked to my doctors they gave me some medicine. It was probably just a cold. After 2 days of medicine, I felt fine.
I had one of the longest nights last night. It hasn’t been one like this in awhile. I fell asleep around 10 and woke up at 3. I laid up thinking and talking to myself. Rethinking all of the times where I feel like this depression came from. A lot of tears flowed and I arose. I couldn’t lay down anymore. I just moved around for a bit. My whole Sunday was just corrupted by the night before. I wrote a couple of lines but I left it like this.
All these expensive items I have
Don’t make up for this depression I have
I’m getting sick and tired of being sad
I wish I could have done something but instead, I put my trust in others
Sometimes I think I’m going to be crying forever
To sum it up I was just thinking about being spoiled. I feel like my depression comes from a lot of bad times, bad memories. That has been haunting me for over 10 years. So I tried to think about the good but honestly, all my good memories involve me getting an expensive gift. So that’s why I wrote those lines.
I have been thinking about therapy and I just don’t see it happening. I’m not an open book in person. Through poetry and this blog, I will introduce you to myself but sitting in a room talking to a total stranger about my life. It is not possible for me. I don’t feel like it will change anything either. I just feel like I would be telling my autobiography to another soul. I don’t feel like this depression will be under control. I also think that this feeling wouldn’t be here if… never mind.
I was about to go in. Some think I say too much in my poetry but I think it’s my way of letting it all out. I’m trying to push something new out this month so. My New Spoken Word PTSD will explain some of these feelings I been feeling. I don’t know when it’s releasing but it will be in April. Not a sales pitch just wanted to say my next time talking about my feelings will be on a spoken word.
This has been a personal dark weekly Thoughts. I’ll probably shake back by morning I hope. How is y’all feeling another week of this quarantine? I’m getting so bored I’m about to get back on Tik Tok. But continue to stay safe and in the house. I know it gets boring but you can do things you been meaning to do but work or school was in the way. Use this time wisely before your schedule gets back cluttered. Also, follow this blog for more and see you next week.