Mountains (Poems)

Mountains:

Do you ever wish you were somewhere else?
It’s early but I just want to let my heart melt
All on these pages
It helps me release my untold emotions from these cluttered cages

I often find myself watching vlogs
From people, that’s not here
That’s out far living with no fear
Climbing mountains and vlogging every bit

The mountains I only climb is my daily struggle
Why do I see my life as a struggle?
If I don’t even have a paying hustle
I just find myself juggling, my pain from years ago
Not intentionally

But at least once a day I’ll breakdown
My eyes will release liquid
My heart will feel empty
I’ll feel every pain I ever experienced from my peers all at once
If this happens every day shouldn’t I be used to it?

Sadly yes but to the naked eye they think it’s all-new
Little do they know this isn’t new
I have been acquaintances with depression for far too long
Whenever I think I’m done

It always comes back
Now how is the question
It’s not like I am requesting
That it sends me back to this recession

I just used to find pleasure
In being around my blood
But the pain that was caused still weighs heavy
And can’t be fixed with a simple apology

I wish it would stop it
But no it’s still burning me inside
I climb mountains in my brain every day
I challenge myself not to lash out at every person that crosses my path
I was ripped down because of how I looked

Till the point where I resented my looks
Well can I say that’s true or am I having a meltdown at 5 in the morning
A time where I should be snoring

Nonetheless, I find myself watching van life
Because it’s fascinating
Not the lifestyle but the idea of escaping
Because this empty feeling is slowly escalating
To a high that I’m tired of seeing

I don’t know where this poem is leading
I just hope it’s taking me to a better place
Someplace far away from the very people that raised me
Do I hate my family?
Not all of them

Maybe I don’t, I just resent them
For making this dark individual that lives in my soul
Family is supposed to make you feel whole
Not make you out to be a useless soul
I don’t know where this poem was supposed to lead

Is it even complete?
Am I ever going to feel complete?
I look at other lives just to picture myself somewhere far away
Where I could be me
Unapologetically

I climb mountains every day
Mountains not full of rugged dirt and rocks
No mountains of old feelings
That I fight the voice inside so I won’t start peeling, my pain out to the very same people that gave it to me
You’ll never find happiness in the people you lost it with

The more you fight to please them the more time you’ll waste
I waste time every day
Just to see her happy
But she never budges
Never move a muscle

Instead, she’ll try to debunk my words
Sometimes I think I’m going to be riding in the back of a hearse
Before she ever let a smile emerge

But still every waking moment I have the courage
To get up and climb another mountain
Mountains

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