I always thought this pain would disappear with the weight but it’s still here
Sometimes I think it’ll only go away if I leave here
Leaving here can’t be completed if I’m still living with fear
But if fear is my only match then
Fear has to go
This pain makes me incensed
Because the one I should love most I treat like an enemy
But this pain she caused lives inside me
I hope you’ll never know this feeling
Of sadness and emptiness building
Inside your heart and you wish you had something to shield it
This emptiness held me, hostage, for years
I always blame fear
But fear wasn’t involved, this pain made me believe my presence shouldn’t have been shared
That I didn’t deserve to breathe air
Heartless people showed me that they didn’t care about me
To the point, I didn’t care to be seen
I cared so much about giving them satisfaction
That I stopped living for myself because they weren’t satisfied
I know these words are being read by another pair of eyes
I know your thinking why
Why does he have so much pain inside?
Why does he continue to talk about his feelings?
And not about healing
Or even building the courage to overcome
Maybe because I have never healed
I write about how I feel
How do I build the courage to overcome?
If I never overcame this pain
I often write about a situation that happened 9 years ago
How come something from long ago can matter so much to me?
Or is it because I allow it?