Weekly Thoughts #71: Not again
This week was tough. The month of September was in its last days. Monday went smoothly. I didn’t do my daily exercise that morning because I think something came up. But Tuesday was when I knew for sure that I’ll go for a walk with my new workout partner, my mother.
When I woke up I got myself ready for our walk around the stadium. First I greased myself up with some sweat oil. The key to some of my weight loss. It makes you hot therefore you sweat more. Then all the compression clothing I layer makes it even easier to sweat. Nonetheless when I finished getting dressed. I found out that we weren’t going walking because someone possibly found my uncle deceased. We had to confirm. I sat in the family room as other families went to see for themselves. Everyone in the room was letting their eyes wander the room. As the phone began to ring. It was true.
I am usually a soldier when it comes to death. I mostly blame that on my shy ways. I’m so shy that I barely get to know the people around me. So when people go I barely keep any memory of them with me. Death usually hits me like a raindrop on a windshield. Meaning it just falls on me and rolls off. This one felt that way.
Until I heard my momma scream and cry as I had never heard before. I wanted to hold her but didn’t know-how. So I just hugged her. After a couple of days of memories being shared with the family. I feel sad for his perished soul. I feel for my momma losing her favorite uncle and older brother in the last 2 months. I feel for my grandma even more. Losing her older brother and first son in the past 2 months.
For them, I stay strong. In private I grieve a bit. No, not really. I just think about him. I wish I knew more. I wish I tried to get to know you. What your favorite color was or what you wanted to be in life. My mother asked me if I would like to write something for your funeral. Just write something she says. I couldn’t think of a thing. I write every day and I’m sitting here saying I can’t write about you. Funerals are for you to say goodbye but this post is for me to say I wish I would’ve known more. It’s hard to say goodbye when you barely even said hello.