Weekly Thoughts 75: What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing wrong? Is the question on my mind this week. What am I doing wrong? I mean, come on. I give my last to this. My energy, money and all my time. Maybe it’s not for me, but what is? Nothing else makes me this happy. The feeling I feel when I write a bar is electric. Sends shock waves through my body. I am on the edge of my seat thinking of a good plot. Without this, what do I have to live for? Family? They don’t live for me and definitely don’t make me happy. Job? If it doesn’t involve writing for me, then I really don’t feel like battling depression and the suicidal thoughts.
I need god because I am stuck. I started writing stories when I was 8 years old. Stopped writing for 2 years when I turned 13. Came back into writing speeches at 15. More stories after that. Started writing poetry at 18. Now I’m 22 with a self-published story. 4 Mixtapes and a project in stores. A blog and no profit. I know they say don’t focus on the money, but how?
I think it’s okay to focus on the money, but don’t let it influence your creativity. For instance, using trends to apply to the audience of today is a no. Just let it flow naturally. You know like a lot of shows, artists, and influencers are making BLM related content. Businesses are hiring black people or honoring BLM to appear as standing with the fight. Showing unity for a cause, because that’s what’s hot now. Once this dies down, will it stay like this? I doubt it. The fake will flake and the real will stay still.
What do I even have left? Can I make another The Story Of Charles Levi? Can I make another project? Can I keep this blog going? Yes, I can. This won’t break me. It will only elevate me. I’m stronger and learning more by each downfall. I also feel like there’s another gear that I haven’t hit yet. I know I have more to give to myself.
That was just some things on my mind this week. My week was boring as usual. Didn’t do much, just create some new content for the blog. My B day’s coming up and I plan on celebrating with a new spoken word. It’s already ready, just need to get a lyric video and some other things. I really want promo. Until then follow my blog for more of my journey. Also enjoy this snippet of the spoken word down below. See you soon.