I Can’t Believe It

Weekly Thoughts #117: I Can’t Believe it

These last two weeks have been rough. The things that occurred were out of my control and I just had to come to terms with it. I learned things about myself that I never knew. A lot on my mind but here’s a minor post about just a few.

Wednesday, May 25th 2022, started like any other day. I was up at the crack of dawn for work. Work was pretty good. Not much chaos this time around. The work day ended, and I went home to see the Birthday woman, my mom. This year I wanted to go all out for May, but sadly I couldn’t think of anything. I was thinking about more shoes but I couldn’t find her size in time. So I ended up going for a Michael Kors tote, my aunt suggested. Also, a new waffle maker. She loved both gifts. I couldn’t believe it.

Now to the infamous never ending apple loading screen on my MacBook. Feels like 2020 when the world was shut down for real and my baby did the same thing. A year ago this would have messed my whole day up, but not today because I had some news on Thursday May 26th, that took the cake. I can’t even believe I’m writing these words. But I lost one of my best friends.

Did I just write that? I lost a best friend, brother, mentor all in one. We have been friends for about 11 years. We knew each other since we were teenagers. Even into early adulthood, we stayed close. We had so much planned for the future that it makes little sense that we won’t accomplish those dreams. If I can talk to him right now, I’ll probably say something like. You were the one that pushed me on stage. One of my only friends to read my book. You were truly my biggest supporter. You coached me on things that my mind hadn’t registered yet. You were a mentor. Still is. It doesn’t even feel real. I can’t believe we’ll never share another one again.

I remember Wednesday night when we were all on the phone. The entire club of friends just chatting, cracking jokes and what not. To me, it felt like any other night. Who would’ve known it’ll be the last time I talked to you? I was preparing for work when I got the news on another group call. My heart sank, and I froze. I was in shock for 20 minutes straight. Just trying to register that my bro is gone. When I got in the car to pull out of the driveway. All our memories started coming back, and I broke down. I wept and wept until I was late for work. Tried to call out but was unsuccessful. Went to work with only one person on my mind. I was in pain all day. I wanted to cry but couldn’t find the tears. I wanted you here. But that’ll only be in my dreams. This feels like a farewell, but I’m not ready for it to be. So until my pen grace these pages again and speaks highly of you. I’ll just say put one in the air for me.

Other than my Mac going down on me this week. I have been grieving the passing of my best friend. I can’t believe life can just change in the matter of hours. Life is unpredictable. I’m going to miss him forever. I still Can’t believe It.

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