Weekly Thoughts #24

Just the other day I was thinking about making this blog and writing about how I was waiting for my results for the sleep apnea test. The test that I had been waiting for a month for the results. It’s the only thing, for now, that was holding me back. Well, April 19th I got the results which stated that I had no evidence of sleep apnea like I had been thinking since they diagnosed me with it in October.

It feels like a burden has been lifted off my shoulder. I’m so close to being submitted to the committee. During the bariatric surgery process, you have to be submitted to a committee that decides when you can have the surgery and I’m just a few steps away from there.

It feels like I just released Poetic Gift and I’m already closing the door on another project. 20 tracks in but I don’t feel like it’s complete yet. After these last 2 then I’ll start chopping it down to a good 12 songs for this project.

As far as performing. I’m slowly making my way there. Going to busboys and poets and being in the atmosphere makes me want to get up there. But I’m still held back by the fear. I’m encouraged a lot about it but I’ll just go when I’m ready. I don’t want to rush and mess up.

I just wanted to vent for a second. So I thought I’ll bring this back. Sometimes it’s good to vent out loud and clear your mind and get a good assessment of what’s going on. Like always like, comment and subscribe to my mailing list to stay updated on my blog posts. Follow me on all social media platforms.

Best Brand

My favorite clothing brand would have to be Parish Nation. As someone that’s into streetwear or the latest, they seem to be the clothes I fall for. They don’t have a set website that you can shop from.

I tend to find a lot of their products in retail stores. Like Burlington or K&G. Stores like that carry multiple brands and they tend to be there. As well as drjays tend to carry them. They are one of the only brands that really connects to me and in my size.

I actually wear them a lot now that I think about it. Some of my favorite pictures, I have taken like the ones I’m putting at the bottom of this blog. If you would like to see more subscribe to my mailing list. Follow me on Instagram @k.exum View my previous post until tomorrow

Parish Nation Jeans

Parish Nation Jeans and Jacket

Best Advice

All advice is not good advice for starters. So with that being said, take this how you like. The best advice I received was from my momma. I believe doing a hard time of depression. If I remember correctly it went something like this.

“You have to do it yourself. Nobody in this world is going to do everything for you. If you want to achieve something then you have to do it yourself.”

Yeah, that hit hard a little. I wouldn’t say I had it made all my life but I was a little spoiled. So right now it’s about getting out that habit and doing it myself. Working hard for what I want.

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Breakdown (Spoken Word)

This week I had a little bit of a breakdown and of course, I wrote a poem. It’s therapeutic when I’m down. Here’s what I wrote. I also made a video reciting this, Link Here https://youtu.be/k52je4nWdac

Breakdown:

I can’t control when this depression comes

But I can tell you how it make me feel

It be having me want to grab a gun and kill the man in the mirror

I feel so fucked up to the point I got my momma looking at me in terror

I wish I could say I can beat the voices inside of my head

But every time we come face to face I get put to bed

As the tears roll down my face

I just need space

Is the only thing I say

It’s easy for you to look in and say i need this and that but you don’t feel this pain

You don’t know my demons

I wish I had a better reason

For why I no I can’t say that

I’m just trying to escape

After eight years it just feels like I’m running in one big circle

I just wanna say pops why wasn’t my dreams enough

I didn’t ask God to be this big

I just feel so sick

No I just feel like shit

Because I wasn’t enough of a son to live up to your dreams

A big waste of space is the shit I heard daily

I feel like a failure

The past got me in a chokehold

I wish I could say I won’t fold

But I don’t know any more