One thing I’ve always wished for is
Today, this moment right now. You’re probably reading and wondering what I’m talking about. But today is my operation day. I imagine I’m in a deep sleep with a smile on my face because I finally got what I wished for. The chance to lose weight and keep it off.
This journey has been long but I made it long. I told myself I couldn’t lose the weight before I ever stepped foot in the gym. I downplayed my own ability. I started this process at 434 pounds. Heck, I even made a poem about it back in 2016. Threatening to disable it.
I lost some weight and felt like the king of the world. Until I gained 20 pounds. Then after that, I found myself on a never-ending elevator. My weight went up for one appointment. Went down the next. I made this process hard.
Once I finally got it through my head I can do it. I dropped my weight to the lowest weight I had seen since high school. When I thought this day would never come it did. I got the one thing I really wanted this year. The gastric sleeve surgery.
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Write an open letter to someone
You know sometimes I wish you could read my mind because I have been trying for years to find the courage to tell you that I needed you. I needed you in the worst way but you turned on me for someone that hadn’t been around as long as I have been. Every time this person mistreated me you act like you didn’t care. When I went behind your back, that’s the only time it seemed like you cared.
When that whole situation was over I thought maybe things will be different. But it wasn’t. You found another thing to put over me. That second moment is what drove me to these scary thoughts I have when I’m alone. Sometimes I laugh because I never thought I would even be at this age. Now the love or happiness I felt around you is gone. The comfort I felt around you is missing and now there’s just an awkward silence between us.
I am still angry after all these years. I guess I just hold grudges like someone we know. This letter is just another waste of writing just like everything I wrote before I was tossed out of your life. Ain’t that right, Human.
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